short curvy styled brides like to wear of the wedding

i know most my family are curious About what i post i cant help what i post or what i feel but let me share what it is. i know people are like why you wanna die well.. i feel so many emotions i lost friends that i loved and what do anything for and i feel emotions that i hate too feel emotions that hurt emotions that feel like a needle that is cutting through i over think about everything i hate it whenever Im about to freak out when my chest feels like hot lava inside my lungs i cant breath and me always trying to do the right thing and me feeling like im messing up too much and whenever i loose friends or do something i cant solve and over think it too much and sometimes cry because it hurts too much and its so hard to explain because no one understands it. no one understands what im thinking i would like some help but one one understands im trying to stay strong im so scared to go to school i have such terrible Anxiety from people i get so tired sometimes i just wonder why am i even here i hate hurting too much i have been lied used called names i am insecure about what i look like or what body i have or what i am to others but i try to stay strong i feel like im letting my family down i know i get angry i get sad i say i wanna die inside i really do people say im faking it why would someone fake this depression or anxiety its not funny at all. sometimes i just give up i tried and tried to be a great friend i told people im here for you no matter what and they all leave what hurts is i cared bout most people but they dont care bout me they hate me cuz i start drama i dont start drama i help friends out because there are people who bullie and start crap and im sorry i get in drama but when i see someone bullie someone that is my friend i do something about it and i had alot of friends who would never be a true friend hate me for being dramatic still hurts that the person i was friends with is gone now and left my life i do so much for people and all they do is leave and i for real cried so much i went to school in such a bad mood the fact that i lost alot of friends and someone i loved and i tried to hard not to cry that whole day i sat my head down while crying and some kid calling me ugly that day i wanted it to be over i sometimes think i would be better without everyone because im always mad and im just not good enough for anyone im still hurting from lies and drama and how it ended and i just honesly wish i wasnt here because if i wasnt no one would longer hear me yelling or screaming or getting mad or me complaning about school rn i miss my old relationship and i miss my best friend and i miss my the good times i hate staying up at night worrying about too much stuff and i been called stupid slut whore bi... screw up freak weird emo goth go kill yourself ugly fat no curves no one will understand what emotions you have until you get there i have friends who try to kill themselves and im so scared if they kill themselves and i miss most my friends and i wish i could see them right now and there was one point of my life i was happy maybe as a kid. or in lake city when all my friends would come over and right now im not even friends with most of them and i miss my last relationship where i was happy too and im so tired of being so sad and angry im tired of having so much emotions inside me whenever i get to sad i feel so sick my stomock hurts or i feel like imma throw up or my head will hurt and everyone like ur okay stop saying that i have been bullied i have been cyberbullied i have been loosing people. i have had hoes get to me. i have issues i cant control i have issues in my head that i cant even seem to figure out Myself. everyday seemes like a next level im trying to beat. but cant get pass it tho and i get depressed easily i stay up too late i get tired easily i cry alot i sometimes cry because i cant do this life thing that much like i cant get through it all in life i Dont wanna go through the Pain the pain of Breakups or the pain of sadness or anything else that gives me anxiety or nervous or too much emotions the emotions that make u cry so much its deeply making you hurt that badly inside. its hard living in this world like someone who says they aint gonna leave but do it anyways and they promised you they would not leave you but does it anyways and that person you would fight for that person you would do anything for no matter how hard it was you would get into many fights but then you finally gave up now yall dont talk much he got you blocked on Social Media and you still miss him but he no longer cares and hates you most my friends did that and gave up on me but i didnt gave up but now i do give up i give up trying to keep people in my life but i cant really help what i feel i know i need help but no one listens to me and they think its a joke no one takes me searious so now i try to do this life thing short curvy styled brides like to wear of the wedding